Homemade Ginger Syrup for Ginger Ale

+ a sneak peek at my birthday trip to Paris

I blinked and November seemingly ended before it began. Yes, I know there’s a few days left still but my mind has already turned to December, and in a way towards 2024. My birthday has always been my mental new year. I spend a lot of time thinking and reflecting on a daily basis, and birthdays make me do that even more deeply, contemplating what I want to shed from the year closing and welcome into the year ahead.

This year I turned 50, and while “it’s only a number” is what people tend to say, it’s a number that also signifies a half century of living. So much has happened in these 50 years. I find myself feeling both eternally 15 mentally, and double my age emotionally. I thrive on seeing and doing new things but also appreciate certain routines, all the while simultaneously carrying a heart both filled with hope and heavy with grief.

50 years on the planet have taught me there’s space for it all—joy, sadness, hope and lack of it at times. The only way out is through, and that’s how I handled this milestone birthday. One thing that weighed heavily was entering a new decade without Michael, and knowing that in just one more year I will have outlived him—an inconceivable yet inevitable truth.

A few months ago one of my best friends started nudging me about plans for my birthday. Eventually she realized I’m not one to ask for things, and presented me with a few ideas. For my 40th birthday, I hosted a weekend at my old apartment in Brooklyn where I cooked for everyone for two days. That may sound awful to some people but it was pure joy for me. Getting to spend 48 hours with 8 of my closest friends, who fondly nicknamed themselves my squad, and feeding them made me so happy.

This year I opted for two more quiet intimate birthday experiences. One was in New York City on my birthday itself. The other happened a week prior in Paris—that’s the plan Sarah and I settled on for my 50th birthday. Big groups are great, and who doesn’t love being surrounded my people who love them, but for this trip I needed to focus a little more on myself. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of caring for everyone else’s needs. Sarah understood immediately, and within a matter of hours she had flights booked for us, and I had the hotel all sorted out.