Homemade Chocolate Pudding
thoughts on time & patience
If you want to channel the vibe I had while writing this post, then go throw on Sylvan Esso’s self-titled debut album–I’ll wait. I can’t believe it’s been eight years since that album was released. Time is neither a friend nor foe, it just is. Regardless of how we’re feeling, time does what it’s supposed to do–it keeps moving. Imagine if it were that simple for all of us?
Time is important when it comes to making pudding. Time and patience. I guess they go hand in hand. If you’re not happy with the moment you’re in, be patient and there’s always a new moment right around the corner. But what happens when the needle is stuck on the same life lyric?
I imagine this is what it feels like for someone dealing with depression. I think about this a lot when I look at my children and the challenges they face. One has a panic anxiety disorder, likely a result of seeing her father die in front of her suddenly. The other has moderate depression and is ASD1. They live life constantly having to readjust the needle to get the song back on track.
It would be so easy for me to just lift the needle for them but that wouldn’t serve them well for adulthood. They need to learn to recognize when the needle is stuck, and then learn how to reset it for themselves. This part is particularly challenging for me. I’m a fixer but what I’ve doubled down on learning the last year is my role is to make sure they have the supports needed to learn those skills for themselves.
And then wait.
Time and patience.
Two things I’ve never been particularly good at outside of the kitchen.
So I make pudding to pass the time.
May time and patience be something we’re all blessed with this week, and each one following. Be well and remember to be kind. xo-j.
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