a no-cook 3-ingredient dessert for hot & humid days
I find myself surprised when I look at the clock on the stove around 8pm lately and see how daylight is still going strong. Nights haunt me. They always have but even more so the last 10 years, so I’m thankful to have fewer waking dark hours, especially given the darkness that invades our lives in stark daylight.
I’ve felt a deep restlessness for months now. Isabella is home from college for a few days, and for a brief moment, I feel that restlessness quieting down ever so slightly–perhaps her visit, and having all three Perillo Girls under the same roof again for a few days is the salve needed for my emotional inflammation.
Motherhood is a journey like no other, and doing it solo to not one, but two kids who have mental health issues and dealing with their own deep grief is–well, there isn’t just one word to describe it. Some days the weight of it is enough to drain the full cup I wake up with in just a few hours. Some days the cup isn’t even full when I start the day, having borrowed from a future day’s hope and potential to get through the one I’m living in at the moment.
When they’re both home, control and balance feels restored. They’re where I can see them, where I can keep them safe. But of course, that’s a fallacy–we cannot keep our children safe, truly. There are so many things out of our control, and many in the control of others that choose to deflect and turn a blind eye to the real issues.
Isabella told me something recently that I needed to hear. I may not be able to fix all my children’s issues on my own but at least I recognize them and give them the support they need, or find the support they need to work through them. Recognizing those needs is a gift I give them even if it doesn’t feel like enough to me. As parents we think we’re the teachers but if we take the time to do more listening and less talking, you’ll find children have just as much, if not more to teach us.
May you all find pockets of peace this long holiday weekend. Remember to be kind, and give extra hugs or reach out to those you love. –xo, j.